I don't know where to start. What I can say is that I find myself being bored with stability. I mean, my life circumstances are in flux, there is a great deal of uncertainty about my medium and long term future, and so on. But my internal life has been relatively calm for about a month or so, maybe more. I find that I yearn for the ups and downs that I am used to. I am not accustomed to this kind of predictability. It scares me sometimes. I am definitely able to have a range of emotion, but sometimes I worry that I am not feeling enough.
Part of this blog project is compiling information about my feelings and experiences so that I can write a book. I also am working on getting these feelings and experiences into words, sentences, and complete thoughts. Often I find it difficult to do so. I remember the experience of writing when I was younger; my best work was borne of turbulence, I often would write a lot in a storm of passion and rarely edited what I produced. Of course, I would guess that teenage and early adult writing in a many cases comes from a place of emotional drama. Now when I want to put down a thought, I have to first get over this wall of vapor that siphons my thoughts and feelings away the moment I decide to give them voice. That sometimes happens when I just start writing stuff. Often I can't cross that wall.
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3 comments:
I go through this too, believe it or not. I have some pretty good ideas of things I'd like to write about, but I can't materialize those thoughts into words, written or spoken; hence the crap that is my blog.
I took your poll!
Sounds like you are in a "Night Ride Home" phase. You're neither drowning in your sorrowful emotions ("Blue") nor basting your political frustration with cynical declarations ("Dog Eat Dog" or "Turbulent Indigo"). Maybe you should try to write something fictional - just for kicks? If you produce an "Ethiopia," you can always move from there to a higher ground?
Blair
PS: "Good air... good water.. good earth!"
i do the same thing. sometimes i try to write regardless, and end up totally unable to write about what i had planned. what comes out instead is mindless drivel.
i would like a poll, please.
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