Untitled no. 2

I don't know where to start. What I can say is that I find myself being bored with stability. I mean, my life circumstances are in flux, there is a great deal of uncertainty about my medium and long term future, and so on. But my internal life has been relatively calm for about a month or so, maybe more. I find that I yearn for the ups and downs that I am used to. I am not accustomed to this kind of predictability. It scares me sometimes. I am definitely able to have a range of emotion, but sometimes I worry that I am not feeling enough.

Part of this blog project is compiling information about my feelings and experiences so that I can write a book. I also am working on getting these feelings and experiences into words, sentences, and complete thoughts. Often I find it difficult to do so. I remember the experience of writing when I was younger; my best work was borne of turbulence, I often would write a lot in a storm of passion and rarely edited what I produced. Of course, I would guess that teenage and early adult writing in a many cases comes from a place of emotional drama. Now when I want to put down a thought, I have to first get over this wall of vapor that siphons my thoughts and feelings away the moment I decide to give them voice. That sometimes happens when I just start writing stuff. Often I can't cross that wall.

Poll Addendum

The operational definition of "first clear memory" is a memory that you can "see" in your mind. The image must be vivid enough to be describable. It can be a very short period of time, like a clear memory of your mother's face the first time she yelled at you or something.

From the trailer park to Congress

First, I will say one thing and get it out of the way...

If you are using google reader or something to read my blog, please click on my page because I am getting few responses to my polls and the small sample size is skewing my results. Also I like to get hits on my page counter.

Anyway,

As an absentee voter, I had the privilege of looking up the candidates as I was voting. It was excellent because in TN they do not list third-party candidates by their party names, they are all listed as independent, which I did not know. Because I could look everyone up, I was able to vote Green for one office.

In the process of researching the candidates, I came across a man running as an independent who calls himself Jon "Trailer Park" Jackson.


Only in Tennessee, baby. Would you ever vote for a fringe candidate?

Shamless copy from another blog

I owe this question to The Dutchess Of Kickball.

Let's say you found a genie in a bottle and instead of the typical three wishes you were granted only two, but with a stipulation. You could have anything you wanted completely selfish no matter what, but only if your other wish was for something completely selfless. What would you wish for? And of course, no wishing for more wishes.

Random picture of the day:

Silly tag thing

I normally hate this kind of thing but since there are only 5 things and I get to pick them out, I suppose I can manage the effort.



This is a virtual game of tag. Beth tagged me, and these are the instructions:

1-Link to your tagger and list the rules

2-List 5 random facts about yourself

3-Tag 5 people

4-If you’re tagged, play along and pass it on!



1. When I was a kid I was OBSESSED with those pencils with the little toppers, not the kind you can take off but the kind that are attached and the pencils would have a little saying on them. Like I had some with those little felt teddy bears like this little guy or like these . I totally had the globe one and the merry-go-round one. :)



2. My dad and I lived in a little loft area of a friend's storage shed for a while when I was younger.



3. I don't usually shower every day.



4. I hate scrimshaw, any mealy or sweet apple, and the smell of fresh dog turd.



5. I am obsessed with batteries and tape. I always think we are running out and need more.



I decided just now I ain't gonna tag anyone. SO THERE!! But if you want to do it, make a comment to this entry and link to your blog.

Untitled no. 1

Happy thing number one: For my friends who ran in the Baltimore marathon today, congratulations. And I am glad that the sloppy fortune that I thought befell you did not happen. You know of what I speak.


Happy #2: I got to leave work at quarter to 5 today! Booie picked me up and we ran errands, and bought some stuff from the Linens N' Things store closing sale, and got ice cream, all by the time I would just be leaving work.


Happy #3: You guys, this is why I am a nurse. Adina and I were eating at Atwaters this afternoon, and this balding but cute-ish young-ish looking guy came up to our table, and said, "excuse me". He looked familiar to me... but I was also wary of him too, cuz weirdos always want something from me. He said, "I'm Brian xxx, I was a patient of yours at Johns Hopkins a few years ago." I looked at him in complete shock; here was one of those patients that really stuck with me in my heart when I cared for him three years ago. I took care of him quite frequently, and I remember even having dreams about being his nurse at home. He had Burkitts Lymphoma, an extremely rapid-growing cancer that can doube in size in a matter of days. Some Burkitts patients can even see the tumors growing before them. It takes a LOT of high-dose chemo to attain shrinkage, which initially can be pretty easy but in the long run it often relapses and the effects of the chemo itself can be lethal.

It is the curse of an inpatient nurse to not know what happens to your patients when they leave. We honestly thought Brian was going to die on our unit. But he left, and except for some occasional readmissions early on, we did not know what happened to him. But here he was, looking like a normal guy, good coloring, filled out, smiling, eating with his wife and 2 small children. He said, "You saved my life." He called to his kids and pointed to me and said, "This is one the the people that saved daddy's life when daddy was very sick." My heart fell to the floor. He told me that he was completely cured, no evidence of disease after 3 years.

Cure is a word we almost never hear on my floor. Disease control, hopefully. Prolongation of life, if we are lucky. But rarely is the word cure used, because it is rarely found. When he went back to his table, I looked at Adina and started to get teary. I made a real difference in Brian's life. I connected with him at the time, and he remembers me years later as someone who saved his life. He paid for our dinner, and said, "This and a million dollars and maybe we'll be even." I gave him a big hug.

I truly believe that I was meant to get out of work early and go to Atwaters and see him. Sometimes it is easy to forget that people do get through this crap. I felt to proud to do what I do and to be who I am.

Which brings me to my last point:

Please register to become a marrow donor with the National Marrow Donor Program. They will send you a cheek swab kit that you send back. You could save a life, too. Click the link below to get more information.

Late breaking blog post

Adina went to take a shower after I was done, and noticed that there were these strange white things that seemed to be moving around. They were LARVAE and OMG I really thought that they came from my body until I saw one drop out of the bathroom fan onto the floor. I feel like I am going to vomit. Fortunately we have bug spray in the house.